Do you ever get the feeling you try so hard fitting in that you change yourself? Yeah I do, CONSTANTLY.
The last couple of years, I had the privilege of being in a small class. This meant that even though I was a year younger than everybody else (skipped a grade), I never noticed. However, starting this school year, the whole year got mixed through and we got a bunch of new people. Suddenly all the parties started. It was normal for my classmates to go out drinking in the park on a Friday evening and getting completely wasted at a House-party on Saturday evenings. This was a clear shock for me, because I had never attended proper Parties before, due to our class being so small. I went along, wanting to fit in, drinking, going to parties and smoking (only once- worst experience ever, please don’t smoke). For a couple of weeks I was considered “cool”. I started hanging out only with the popular people, totally forgetting about my old Friends.
One evening however, I went down to the most popular Girls party. She had invited pretty much everyone from our year ,and the year above, and it was held in a park, as it was still quite warm. Beforehand my Best Friend, whom I hadn’t been talking to as much as I should do, came to my house to hang out. She had never received a proper invite to the party, however she had been invited verbally a couple of days earlier, by the host. We came to the park, where the party was held and where told to our faces, that we weren’t invited and that we should leave. I went home that evening devastated.
In school all my “friends” started hanging out with people from the year above and I didn’t know what to say anymore, if I joined them. I felt awkward and extremely self conscious. I didn’t make out with five guys over the weekend or got extremely drunk, so I had no story to tell.
So I kinda stepped back and started hanging with other people. People who are considered “uncool” and I never feel out of place with them. They never make me feel self conscious about myself and as much as it hurt not to get invited to parties, or being considered cool, it was a far to big price to pay, losing who I am and my morals (I smoked ffs!).
I hope you enjoyed my version of any american HIgh school movie hahaha. But no seriously ,sadly this actually happened.
Please remember to always surround yourself with People who you can be 100% yourself with and as cheesy as it sounds it is so so important!
Thanks for reading and leave a comment to your Thoughts about this! (I would love to read them!)